Is Raising Kids Becoming a list of Do’s and Don’ts For You?

 Raising children is not easy. All parents know that. Each new day brings a new set of challenges and problems along with the immense pleasures and joys of parenthood. Both go hand in hand – problems and pleasures.

But many a time parents end up looking at their job of raising kids as a matter of Do’s and Don’ts. The child finds himself stuck with a list of Do’s and Don’ts, which may not always make sense to him but he knows if he fails to follow the work list, he is going to have a hard time from his parents.

Disciplining the child is good and necessary for developing good habits, values and character. But over discipline to the point of instilling fear in the child’s mind can prove detrimental.

I am listing here a few useful tips for parenting  to help parents understand how far to go when dealing with child behavior and where to draw the line:

Yelling doesn’t solve anything

At times, your child's behavior problems can get on your nerves. Most parents end up yelling at their children, not because they want to, but because they feel that is the only way the child is going to listen to them. This is a myth.

The child does not listen to you because she understands what is being said is for her own good. She listens to you from fear of being yelled at. In other words, the lesson you are trying to hand down to your child, gets lost in all the noise and fury. On the contrary, your wrath creates a psychological barrier in the child.

If you constantly yell at your child for every little thing, you are subjecting her to emotional abuse which can be as damaging as physical abuse. Over a period of time, children become used to yelling and they start to tune it out whenever you yell at them. In short, yelling or screaming at your children to discipline them becomes totally ineffective. On the contrary, children begin to display aggression, feel frustrated and develop animosity toward their parents’ abusive behavior.

Advice for parents: Put yourself in your child’s shoes

So how do you make him listen? Place yourself in your child’s shoes and try to view the world from their point of view. Would you like being yelled at for every little folly? Wouldn’t you rather have someone explain to you what mistake you made, what harm it caused and what good would have happened if you had done the something the proper way?

It is quite simple, really. Children are not stupid, they have very intelligent, receptive minds and they understand everything. Explain to your child, gently and firmly, the gravity of the mistake she made and what she could have achieved by handling it differently or modifying how she dealt with the situation. Once your child understands the missed opportunity and the responsibility of doing things right, you will find your child will remember the lesson for a very long time.

Do not insult your child

Insulting your child in front of others, especially other children, can be hugely damaging to the child’s psychology. If you are unhappy that your child is not getting good grades in school, then talk to him about the importance of studying, help him realize his capabilities and motivate him to do better. Insulting or shaming your child can have adverse effects on the child and such children usually suffer from low self-esteem and lack of confidence.

The simple but effective parents’ tips you can follow include:

1. Create a regular routine for studies, playtime, meals, bedtime and other activities. Following a regular routine will help your child learn to manage time. But before expecting your child to follow a timetable, make sure you follow one yourself.
2. Try to be around for help and guidance when your child is studying or doing homework. Your presence as a parent is highly motivating for your child, especially young children who feel confident when their mom or dad is around during study time.
3. Do not overly praise your child in front of others or insult her in front of others. Rather let others praise your child for good behavior or school performance. When your child finds others praising her in front of her delighted parents, her confidence and morale will receive a boost from the feeling of making her parents happy. For most children, making their parents happy is the primary objective. So let your child know what makes you happy by keeping open a regular channel of friendly communication.

To ensure good parenting, spend quality time with your children. Go to watch children's movies together, make it a habit to read bedtime stories to your child or watch motivating videos that help children develop character and values and overcome their behavior problems. Raising children is not easy. But parenthood definitely is the most joyous experience.